mother I

My mother, also 81, as had seriously declining health, beginning more than 20 years ago with a botched hip replacement operation, then a diagnosis of acromegaly which led to a heart condition and a pacemaker, punctuated with pneumonia and various medical mishaps. Unfortunately, like many of us, she also is her own worse enemy with low self esteem and coping mechanisms such as denial and simply trying too hard that has compounded her physical problems with psychological ones.

Efforts to try and help her are routinely met with hostility and even aggressions as she responds to them as if they are attacks. Last weekend, whilst visiting my brother she passed out and the emergency services had to be called. She was well looked after and they concluded that, aside from her general condition, dehydration had caused a drop in blood pressure. She has been advised she needs to both eat more and drink more fluids but doesn’t because she doesn’t feel like it.

This situation is far from unique amongst those of us with ageing parents where we yearn to help them but they resist all our efforts. Containing our unspoken frustration and sadness, it’s left for us just to be there for them, the best we can.